Silver Lining
by musicality7437
Summary: In hindsight, she could have made do without a new compression coil. If only she had thought of that then. When Kaylee sees only darkness on all sides, Simon helps her find the silver lining.
1. Chapter 1

_Kaylee_

Kaylee awoke, gasping for breath, sweat pooling in the palms of her hands. The terrifying images flashed through her tortured mind even as she sprinted for the toilet and retched miserably through hot tears. The dank, musty smell of the alleyway, the drunk's threatening whispers in her ear, knife pressed coldly against her throat, and then -

Oh, god, oh god.

Her stomach swirled again and she emptied the rest of last night's dinner. Kaylee wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear, fall into one of those black holes Jayne would tell campfire stories about. This was the fifth time this week. There was nothing else it could be. What would Mal say?

Another avalanche of tears dripped down her nose at the prospect of disappointing her captain. Because of course he'd be disappointed. They'd all be. Mal would probably kick her off the ship.

And Simon. Oh, Simon. What was he going to think? She'd ruined what little progress they'd made, and for what? A stupid compression coil. Disgust. That's what he'd feel. Disgust and disappointment and anger. And she'd never see him again.

It broke her heart.

Kaylee reached over and pulled the blankets from her bed, wrapping them around herself in a nest on the floor. Misery. Abject misery. She sobbed into her pillow, trying not to make too much noise. Shepherd Book's cabin was just across the hall. If anyone found out, she'd be doomed.

It wasn't as if she had much time left anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

_Inara_

It was at least 10:30 Persephone time when Inara awoke, yawning lazily into her satin-covered pillow. Mmm, it was late. Her last few clients had been extremely... robust. Rolling out of bed, she was just pulling on a dressing gown when a knock sounded on the shuttle door.

"Chin-jing," she called, sitting down at her dressing table.

Shepherd Book entered and bade her good morning. "We're having breakfast," he said in his calm, deliberate voice. "I was wondering if you would care to join us?"

"Yes, thank you. I'll be there shortly," she replied, smiling. "It was kind of you to ask," she added. After the awkwardness of their first meeting, Inara felt she needed to make it up to the Shepherd. She just wasn't sure how.


	3. Chapter 3

_Jayne _

Jayne had been awake early, polishing his guns. Vera only needed a little touch up, but the rest had fallen into terrible disrepair. Shameful. What would his Momma say? Jayne grunted and rubbed the filthy rag along the barrel of his favorite pistol. He'd make it up. They'd be shiny new before breakfast.

Except Shepherd Book barged in to announce breakfast before Jayne had finished. Gorram Shepherd. Now he was caught between his love of food and his love of guns, which was a mighty sticky place to be.

Eventually, food won.

Jayne threw open the door of his bunk, already feeling a foul mood coming on. He hadn't meant to hit Kaylee, though. He guessed that she had been just walkin' down the hallway at the wrong time, that's all. With a shriek, Kaylee lunged to escape the flying door and plastered herself to the other side of the hall, panting, eyes wide with fear.

"Gorrammit, Jayne!" she yelled. "What the _diyu_ was that for?"

Jayne shrugged. "Easy now! Keep your socks on. Didn't see you there is all. You comin' to breakfast?"

"Uh, no," she said, eyes darting to the floor. "Gotta check on the spare extrapolator in the engine room. Because if that goes, you know, then the extenders fail, and then I'll have to recycle the power through the core containment filter to keep us from rollin', which-"

"Uh, right, right," said Jayne, cutting her off. She was starting to make his head hurt. "Well, you go do that then."

Kaylee smiled quickly and dashed off down the hallway. Hmm. Jayne had a funny feelin'. Somethin' just... Not right. He shook his head. Breakfast was a lot less confusing than women.


	4. Chapter 4

_Book_

Book was beginning to miss the abbey. Well, maybe not the abbey, but at least real food. There were, after all, only a finite number of ways one could prepare protein bars in an appetizing manner for breakfast.

The crew of the Serenity was gathering in the dining room to eat before the day's work. As Book understood it, they were stopping off at Boros today to see if they could get a job. Zoe made a face as she took her protein bar, but Wash fixed it with a kiss. Mal entered, teasing Inara, but for once they seemed to be on good terms. River flounced in, followed by the ever-hovering Simon, and Jayne. It warmed Book's heart, the way this crew loved each other. Even if some of them would never admit it.

He said grace over the table silently again, but the awkwardness had gone - Mal had just accepted it as a daily ritual now, and the rest of the crew had no objection.

It was ironic that just as Book was reflecting on the crew's familial love, they had all forgotten about Kaylee. Except Simon.

"Anyone seen Kaylee?" he asked about halfway through the meal.

"Oh! Um, I did," Jayne mumbled through a mouthful of food. "Said she was gonna check some engine parts or something. Didn't really ask."

Zoe smirked. "Didn't wanna know?"

"Hey," Wash interjected. "Give the guy a break. Kaylee gets talking machines and all of a sudden your brain liquefies." They all chuckled at that, and Zoe gave him a friendly punch on the arm.

"Seriously," Simon said after the laughter had subsided, "Where is Kaylee?"

"She's likely fine, Simon," Mal replied, amused. "She don't show up by the end of breakfast, maybe we'll send someone to look for her. Probably just lost in the machines."

Silenced, Simon turned back to his plate. He just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with his mechanic.


	5. Chapter 5

_Kaylee_

Kaylee had meant what she said when she told Jayne that she was going to check on the engine room. She just had to make another stop first. Silently, she tiptoed to the infirmary and winced at the pneumatic swish as the door opened.

_Please, _she prayed to every god she knew, _Don't let anyone hear._

The gods must be with her, she thought, as she slipped inside and headed to the medicine rack. Rows of clear plastic tubes lay neatly stacked next to the needle gun, courtesy of Simon's propensity towards cleanliness. Kaylee began to rifle through them. There had been some headache medicine she had seen, she knew, it must be here - Ah. The blue label was stamped with a red danger symbol:

**Warning: Abortive. Do not use if pregnant or planning to become pregnant.**

Kaylee hefted the tube in her palm and took a deep breath. This was it. She reached for the needle gun.

And a hand clamped down on her shoulder.

She just managed to stifle a scream with one hand, dropping the tube on the countertop and spinning to face her attacker. But it was only River. Oh. Kaylee took a deep breath.

"Hello, mei-mei. Is there something you need?" she asked gently. River frowned and shook her head. "Not her fault."

"What?" Kaylee asked, confused.

River reached out and brushed her fingers across Kaylee's belly, eyes wide in what could only be awe. "Not her fault."

Oh. Now she understood. Could she really do this?

She knew the answer. She'd always known the answer - she didn't have the strength.

Or perhaps, she didn't have the heart.

"Okay," she said softly, replacing the tube and the needle gun back on the rack. "Okay. But this is our secret for now, right, River?"

River smiled and placed a finger against her lips. "Shhh."

"Right," said Kaylee. "Shhh."

Footsteps echoed down the hallway. "River?" Kaylee heard Simon call. "River, where are you?"

"Oh, no, no!" Kaylee whispered in fear. Simon couldn't find her here! He'd ask, and then she wouldn't be able to lie to him, and then the truth would come spilling out. Kaylee sprinted to the other side of the infirmary and fiddled with the pressure lock on the other door, trying to get it to release. "Come on, come on!" she hissed. "Come on, girl, open up!"

With a swish, the lock released and the door slid open. Kaylee ducked through and ran as quietly as she could around the next corner, where she stood waiting, panting against the wall.

She heard Simon enter the infirmary just as the back door slid shut, and silently hoped he hadn't noticed. "River? What are you doing in here? Was there someone else in here with you? I thought I heard voices," she heard him say.

She could practically feel River's smile through the wall. "Shhh."

Kaylee sighed in relief. Thank god. River would keep her secret.

For now.


	6. Chapter 6

_Mal_

It was about midmorning before anyone noticed again that Kaylee hadn't shown up, and this time it was Mal. He was in his room, doing "captain-ey" things, as he liked to describe them to Inara, when Wash called down from the bridge.

"Captain? You might wanna get up here."

Mal grunted and heaved himself off his bed (he'd been napping, and Wash had better have a damn good excuse for disturbing his slumber). Pulling his shirt on over his tousled hair, he shouldered open the door to his bunk and headed upstairs.

Wash spun around in his chair as Mal jumped the last two steps to the bridge. "What's up, Wash?" the captain asked, trying and failing to tuck in his shirt.

"Well, looks to be a minor mechanical failure, Cap'n. Nothing to worry about too much, except the radar's sort of... gone blank. Which could be construed as a problem."

"_Go se_," Mal swore under his breath. "What in the bleedin' sphincter of hell, Kaylee?" Then he stopped. "Oh. Kaylee."

"Yeah, that's what I was sayin'," Wash jumped in, gesturing wildly with his hands. Mal took a step back to avoid being hit in the face with a toy stegosaurus. "We gotta get Kaylee - oh. Kaylee."

"Yeah," Mal nodded. "You seen her at all today?"

"That's a negative," Wash said with mounting anxiety. "You?"

"Nope." Mal chewed his lip. "Here's the deal. You stay put, just keep flying - and for the sake of our dear and fluffy lord, don't hit anything!"

Wash gave him a devious grin. "Me, Cap'n? Wouldn't dream of it."

"Oh, your wittiness overwhelms me!" Mal cried in mock anguish. Then he sobered. "I'm gonna go look for Kaylee."

"A-ok, Cap'n," Wash called from the cockpit at Mal's retreating back. "A-ok."

Something made Mal break from his slow jog into a run, some sort of uneasiness that pervaded his mind. He just hoped everything was ship-shape-shiny with his mechanic.


End file.
